So this week I've been at this chamber music course I was going on about before. The first day of these things is always hard, and like everyone I feel slightly freaked by playing in front of all these strangers, about being brave.
As much as I'd like to be a bit more at one with the world and able to walk into these things not feeling competitive about my musicianship and my playing ability, I haven't quite mastered that yet. So I spent the first day feeling a bit stressed.
Today was better, though a full day, from 10am-6pm, playing, is so tiring. We ended the day playing a Telemann quartet arranged for cellos, and it was so lovely. I'm also playing flute in the chamber orchestra. It's funny the different personalities, playing wind and playing strings. I feel a bit like I switch back and forth. Erin the flautist and Erin the cellist are not the same. I suppose it's the role in the orchestra that makes you like that isn't it? There is absolutely no hiding from anything as a wind player in an orchestral situation. Every bloody noise you make the entire orchestra (and audience) hears – and feels justified in commenting on it as well somehow. That kind of scrutiny makes you act out a bit in rehearsal, tell stupid jokes and talk back a bit… if we didn't let off steam somehow we'd whack a second violinist in the back of the head with a music stand before long.
Anyway, work has left me grumpy and tight as an A string tuned a semitone too high, so walking into this course as a 'holiday' was kind of a mad idea to begin with. I'm trying to remember to be open to new ideas, to be friendly, to smile even when I don't feel like it. And to remember that generally everyone else is struggling with a similar cocktail of embarrassment, lack of confidence and pride.
And I have to say, no one is loving me on the Central line this week – squashing me and my cello on during peak time is not making me any new friends. Oh well. I do get a few shy smiles, which I like to think may be from other amateurs, instrumentless, on their way to work.
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gottagopractice
28 May 2008 at 11:15 pm
That looks very well organized, and sounds like lots of fun. Loved the cello commuter, which reminds me of one of my favorite quotes from my conference last weekend: We don’t work the cello, we play the cello!
petemaskreplica
29 May 2008 at 9:36 am
It’s a dog eat dog world on the Central Line. The only way is to remember you have a large heavy object with you and be prepared to use it. That’s what the case is for!
Iona
29 May 2008 at 6:07 pm
I tell particularly irritating little tykes that my cello case is ‘the box I use for putting children in’.
I find it works especially well when I’m still dressed in concert blacks. Is that too cruel d’ya think?
Erin
29 May 2008 at 11:21 pm
Nice quote GGP, I’m liking that one. It is a well organised course, but it’s bloody long. By 6pm today some of the tips of my fingers were numb. Which probably means I’m doing something wrong but you know…
Pete, I do have my flute as well, so I can stab them quickly with the woodwind and follow up with a lower strings whallop.
Iona, it’s only mean if the kids end up taking viola because of your scare tactics! Or in the case, that is.
Ohhh one more day. I am alternately thrilled and a bit sad.