Small steps forward. Maybe more like shuffling forward.

I think Benadryl plus is the answer to the Bach Problem.

Well no, obviously not the complete answer, that's more like quit my job and spend the next 30 years of my life trying to become Steven Isserlis. But this is much better than what was happening before. The space cadet trance that my night time allergy pills put me in seems to help with the tension, and paranoia about screwing up the Suites.

I found that tone I couldn't find before, my vibrato is becoming freer in stages (I was playing the Breval at this point, no one pull a Norrington on me) and I was able to move a bit while playing. One of the tutors at that chamber music course I went to in the spring mentioned that being able to sway a bit in your seat as a cellist is a good thing – it shows a lack of tension. Of course I couldn't do it then. I can sort of do it now.

And I played that Bouree faster than I've ever played it before. First of all, I was playing it very s l o w l y. Secondly, I figured I'd give the first chunk a go at a more dance-like speed to see if that helped my comprehension. I think it did – I was able to go back to a slower speed to work out some tricky fingering bits without losing the feeling.

I'm nowhere near in the ballpark of understanding it. We're talking on the motorway on the way to the town where the ballpark is located, kind of thing. But it's a start.