Finally.
Finally I got up the nerve to practise my cello.
I haven't played since I was six or seven months pregnant. I was worried about a lot of things – whether I could even make my fingers work anymore, how I could find the time with a lovely yet energetic little baby to look after, how playing music would fit into my new life, whether I could stand how far backwards in technique I'd slid and where I'd find the energy to go forwards.
Thanks to Elaine, Emily and Autumn who have been commenting about playing whilst having a family and Emily's encouraging words about her students.
So with Elliot in his cradle-chair thing facing me I set up my cello and tuned it. A deep breath.
It wasn't so bad, you know. Some long bows revealed my bow changes are whuffy and inexact. Scales were a bit fuzzy intonation-wise but progressively improved just in the five minutes I spent on some easy two-octave majors.
I played through the two Bach Suites I had been working on, and a quick look at a movement of the Vivaldi. Interestingly, the things I had spent ages practising – certain interval quaver passages, the feeling of the Bach Courante – were still pretty solid. Passages I had run unendingly were still under my fingers. I've really only had that unthinking playing ability on the flute before, no cello pieces had just happened. It's so imprinted in your muscle memory you can come back to it 10 years later (say) and still play it pretty well but if someone asked you what notes they were or what the fingerings were there's no way you could explain without thinking hard. Which is terrific for when you're performing and freak out – it's almost like your instrument plays itself.
By the same token, things I had been struggling with – some funny fingerings in the Bourée I never quite got down comfortably, ditto with the Courante – had me stumbling massively. Just another reason why half-practising something doesn't get you anywhere. The moment you aren't concentrating or something distracts you, it all falls apart.
I don't think I'll have a solid hour together to practise in the next few months… okay let's be real, I may get 15-20 minutes at a time. I'm not sure how to really work effectively like this, but I'll have to learn. I can do this – and most importantly, I want Elliot to have a mum who does this. Amazing how motivating that is.
Hurrah! Hurrah! I’m so glad it went well.
I’m so glad you’re back in the cello saddle. Motherhood certainly changes your motivations, doesn’t it? Getting 20 minutes a day to yourself and your cello with an infant is an amazing amount of time. And the time you spend with your cello isn’t “taking away” from your time with Elliot: it is something that you are sharing with him. How many babies get to listen to Bach (or even scales, which are wonderfully predictable things for a baby’s ears to follow) played by their very own mother on a huge cello every day? What a lucky kid. What a lucky mom.
Send the two men in your life out for half an hour’s walk each day and just play. It’ll do everyone good.
Rock on
Geoff
Thanks everyone. Good way to look at it Elaine, its an early musical education isnt it! And yes Geoff, I should really send Christopher out with Elliot for an hour or something, but to be honest the first thing on my agenda would be a nap…
Yes, I can imagine naps are high on the agenda. And remember a cello is forever, and babies grow up incredibly quickly. Enjoy them both.
Rock on
Geoff
How’s it going this week? I’m going to have quite an absence myself, and having gone through 2 (6 month+) previous away periods, I really don’t look forward to it. It’s not that my playing will suffer so much: it usually improves when I pick back up, but rather how hard I will have to fight to not get negative. I may well have to read my own damn blog.
Ive been really busy with mum baby activities (baby massage, mum baby pilates, coffee dates with local mums) that cello has not featured hugely quite yet. I did go to an orchestra rehearsal to show off Elliot and it was good to see everyone and think about music again. Fighting the negative feeling is hard – Im not sure how were going to manage cello lessons on maternity pay, so it might be a while before I get back to proper tuition, and thats a bit depressing, but there you are. Ive got awhile to go before I get to where I was before even!