I know this endless talk of logistics of actually practising is getting tedious, but it’s what’s going on for me in my cello life at the moment. Unfortunately, there’s been no practising. At all. My son has entered toddlerhood and that means I’m running around after him 12 hours a day. He’s too little to understand that Mummy needs to sit down and play her cello now, and please don’t bash at it with your extra-large lego. No really don’t do that. Practising at night with a mute is possible, but as after his bedtime is the only time I have without a small person attached to my trouser leg, it is also filled with getting our UK citizenship paperwork finished, cleaning up, and breathing slowly for a little while.
I don’t mean this as a whinge… well okay I am feeling a wee bit exasperated at the moment because I don’t want to lose the progress I made with Emily teaching me on Skype and I can feel things slipping away. I know this high water mark of constant attention doesn’t go on forever, and there will be a time when I can practise. In the future. Sometime.
Thinking wistfully of hauling my cello through central London on the tube after work is something I never thought I would do – but just this afternoon I was pining for sore shoulders and a cup of tea in a cold church. I miss my orchestra.
literarysymphonyonice
13 October 2010 at 5:04 am
Hang in. As you said, it’s crazy for you right now. In a few weeks life will probably still be crazy but in slightly different ways. You’ve managed to cram a ton of living and practice in before. I’m confident that you will find a way within a month or two. Perhaps you can trade babysitting with a friend and give the kiddos a playdate while allowing each other a blessed hour of alone time once in awhile. My mom used to do that with her friends. It could be chaos sometimes depending on the number of kids in each family, but an added bonus was that normal life was often blissfully quieter and calmer by comparison.
That is so exciting about your citizenship papers! And you are in an exciting (and exhausting) stage of parenthood. I admire you so much in how you choose to live your life.
The skills will come back. Perhaps not within the first few practices, but sometimes after a break, you actually get better. Maybe because you want it more or you have more experiences to draw from that connect you to the music differently this time around. Often you hear things differently that were white noise to you before. Besides, an enormous amount of success in life comes with being willing to start over and then to be willing to start over again. And again. As necessary. The efforts add up. But I think you already know this. Better yet, I think you are already living it. Still having the passion is often half of the battle. Good luck!
Erin
13 October 2010 at 8:18 am
Thanks so much – it is really helpful hearing such supportive things. I should probably organise some babysitting trades but the thought of managing two little toddlers in my tiny flat makes me come out in hives. I think I need to get over it!