I haven't practised for a few days, because I'd gotten myself all afraid of my instrument.
That last session with the Vivaldi made me feel heavy handed and full of tension I couldn't get rid of. I'm getting into some difficult technique now, and it can't be avoided. I went to orchestra, sat down and sight read the Barber of Seville Overture (four sharps, thanks) and then the Menuetto from Mendelssohn 1 (four flats, no thanks). My brain wasn't computing it very well, but I felt like I held my own pretty well. But I knew there was a pile of fingering to sort out and I was dreading it.
I have to give myself some room to breathe with this cello learning though. It is okay to sit down and have a shit practice, that is not the end of my musical experiences, nor will it even necessarily sound that way tomorrow. It's okay not to get some decently challenging orchestral music on a first read through, or understand what fingerings I should be doing where immediately. It's okay to be full of tension, and there's no point waiting for a time when I'm not, because that is patently not going to happen, so might as well just play the damn thing.
And you know what? Tonight there was a moment where I felt like what I was feeling was coming out of my cello, for about two bars. That's amazing, that's what I've been working on for ages… over a year in a concentrated way. Which just further proves that one crap practice has no bearing on anything else. So there.
