Happy Christmas everyone, and thanks for reading Fugue State this year. I always appreciate every one of your comments and good wishes. I wish you brilliant music-making in 2010. xx
Happy Christmas
More Gautier
Like there could ever be enough. My favourite cellist with Antoine Tamestit (viola), Menahem Pressler (piano) and Salvatore Accardo (violin) playing Schumann at the 2008 Verbier Festival.
Slower return to form than I was hoping for
I am feeling a bit despondent about cello playing at the moment. I had originally thought I'd be able to return to orchestra in January, but with the lack of practice and reality of the little monkey – there's no way. I love playing in orchestra, it's the reason I took up this instrument and came back to playing. Chamber music is fun sometimes, and being able to sit down and play music on my own is enjoyable – but it's the incredible thrill of creating a huge sweeping sound with 30 people (or more) that gives me goosebumps.
Elliot is all unsettled in his schedule, and at the moment is very clingy and wants to be sitting on me all day. I can barely make my own lunch without six interruptions for cuddles, waving toys around and singing silly songs – washing my hair regularly is a challenge. Unfortunately cello playing comes a bit down the list from hair washing. I love spending all this time with him, and my frustration over lack of cello practice, I admit, only features in my thoughts for about 2 minutes a day. I'm still struggling to find a time to make it work. I may have to realise that once a week is all I can manage for awhile. Of course, this is all coming from the land of sleep deprivation, and I need to keep in mind that things will seem much more possible when I've slept for more than three hours at a stretch.
Speaking of orchestra, I brought Elliot to rehearsal to meet everyone a couple weeks ago. It was hilarious to stand at the front with him to greet everyone. I played a concert when I was pregnant, and everyone had seen my scan pictures, so they all knew Elliot was on his way. He was fascinated by the instruments. Elliot got up close and personal with a violin, and our conductor who is a pro cellist played for him at tea break. Gorgeous. What a lucky little boy!
The small frame
Lately, 15 minutes is all the practice time I get. I set up the little monkey (who turned three months today, approximately) in his special baby chair next to me, out of reach of my bow but not in front of the cello, and launch into my scales.
I'm slowly making my way through my major two octaves, a few each time, aiming for even tone, seamless bow changes and a relaxed bow arm. I've always hated minor scales so I admit I'm leaving those until later. And the no open string scale fingering pattern can wait until I really feel like punishing myself.
When it comes to a piece, I'm adapting a writing technique described in Anne Lamott's Bird by Bird, what she calls the small frame, to practising music. For a writer, it's a way of avoiding that whole blank page staring back at you – you're to imagine a 4cm x 4cm frame and all you have to do is fill that frame. In cello practice, I'm using a small frame to block out that page full of black squidge I'm not ready to handle yet. Most recently, I only tackled the first two lines of the Vivaldi Sonata No.5, second movement. At a snail's pace. Things sounded slightly better, and I upped the tempo a couple clicks. Then the burbling going on beside me turned into a hiccuping wail, so that was the end of that!
Finally.
Finally I got up the nerve to practise my cello.
I haven't played since I was six or seven months pregnant. I was worried about a lot of things – whether I could even make my fingers work anymore, how I could find the time with a lovely yet energetic little baby to look after, how playing music would fit into my new life, whether I could stand how far backwards in technique I'd slid and where I'd find the energy to go forwards.
Thanks to Elaine, Emily and Autumn who have been commenting about playing whilst having a family and Emily's encouraging words about her students.
So with Elliot in his cradle-chair thing facing me I set up my cello and tuned it. A deep breath.
It wasn't so bad, you know. Some long bows revealed my bow changes are whuffy and inexact. Scales were a bit fuzzy intonation-wise but progressively improved just in the five minutes I spent on some easy two-octave majors.
I played through the two Bach Suites I had been working on, and a quick look at a movement of the Vivaldi. Interestingly, the things I had spent ages practising – certain interval quaver passages, the feeling of the Bach Courante – were still pretty solid. Passages I had run unendingly were still under my fingers. I've really only had that unthinking playing ability on the flute before, no cello pieces had just happened. It's so imprinted in your muscle memory you can come back to it 10 years later (say) and still play it pretty well but if someone asked you what notes they were or what the fingerings were there's no way you could explain without thinking hard. Which is terrific for when you're performing and freak out – it's almost like your instrument plays itself.
By the same token, things I had been struggling with – some funny fingerings in the Bourée I never quite got down comfortably, ditto with the Courante – had me stumbling massively. Just another reason why half-practising something doesn't get you anywhere. The moment you aren't concentrating or something distracts you, it all falls apart.
I don't think I'll have a solid hour together to practise in the next few months… okay let's be real, I may get 15-20 minutes at a time. I'm not sure how to really work effectively like this, but I'll have to learn. I can do this – and most importantly, I want Elliot to have a mum who does this. Amazing how motivating that is.
Autumn means time for a new orchestra!
I've heard of a couple new London amateur orchestras lately, and since September is when our minds turn to a new orchestral term, I thought I'd share them:
West London Strings: a new group for string players only of Grade 3 standard and upwards, their main aim is to be a supportive place to play. I know some of the people involved and it's sure to be a good group. They've started already, so get in touch ASAP. Rehearsals are Monday evenings.
Harmony Sinfonia: a new full symphony orchestra in Lewisham, so those of you in southeast London rejoice. Open to amateurs and semi-professionals, says the advert passed on to me, including music students. Everything from classical up to new work by UK composers. Rehearsals on Wednesday evenings, contact Lindsay Ryan for more info.
There's my orchestra, Chamber Academy Orchestra, now rehearsing near Great Portland Street in West London and a brilliant group of people if I do say so myself. Full orchestral works, fairly challenging (I just about scrape by at the back end of the cello section). Rehearsals are Thursday evenings.
And of course, there's also the East London Late Starters Orchestras of varying abilities and levels, from the very very beginning to tackling some challenging full orchestral works, there's something for almost everyone.
It will be a little while before I get back to the orchestra, as on 31 August I gave birth to my son, Elliot. Everyone is healthy and happy, but just a wee bit tired. I'm thinking about cello playing, but haven't quite got it out yet. Soon.
Legato fingers
I'm still too big to play cello and it's starting to get to me. I took out my flute for the first time since I became pregnant and ran a few scales before pulling out an old Platti Sonata. My embouchure was a bit fuzzy in the high register and breath support was not incredible, but not as bad as I thought it would be considering I'm very VERY pregnant at this stage.
I had an email through from All Flutes Plus, the shop where I get my instrument serviced here in London, and tacked on the bottom there was this little list of technique pointers. Some of them were straightforward stuff, like keep your keys parallel to the ceiling (though how many pros do I see practically planting their instrument into their neighbour's lap). But the note about 'legato fingers' was an interesting one.
It was referring to not letting the keys spring up under your fingers in slower pieces, but it's such a simple idea, I think it could work well for cello playing as well. I man, I've spent time thinking of precision placement in my left hand, pressing into the fingerboard to get get good tone… but the idea of 'legato fingers' brings to mind fluid movement, this could be a good concept for approaching long runs where it's tempting to think about each note in turn, instead of the phrase and where it's going. Personally I find it difficult to think legato fingers and clench at the same time, so it could go a little way to unlocking some of that left hand tension.
Can't wait to give it a go.
Getting to where you were trying to go – priceless
There's a hilarious post over on the Orchestra of the Age of Enlightenment blog about the paperwork the staff need to complete to perform in the US. There's been some talk lately about how horrible the UK is to travelling musicians trying to get their visas to perform here – but I wonder if it's that much worse than anywhere else. I'm personally in the middle of getting Indefinite Leave to Remain status here in the UK with my husband, as well as figuring out how to register our as-yet-unborn son registered as a Canadian citizen and a settled UK resident. Strangely, my son can have a UK passport before he's allowed a Canadian one, despite both my husband and I being Canadian citizens – his paperwork will take 18 months to go through, apparently.
I can only imagine the chaos of trying to get 38 musicians through this entire process as well, we're only dealing with three. I do remember, though, being on the receiving end of panicked phone calls from orchestra tour managers asking me to change the horn player and the harpist in the programme, because the visas didn't come through in time. I do not envy them, I tell you.
Too big to play
So everything has been ticking along nicely, thank you, and the little boy I've got riding around inside me is getting quite big now, I've passed the seven month mark. I admit cello playing hasn't been top of mind lately, but I'm trying to just relax and do what I can do, when I can manage it.
There's no denying, though, that there's been a big lapse in practice. I'm a bit terrified I'll never get back to my previous abilities (or have time to) and the idea of getting to my favourite orchestra across town on transit hauling a cello seems impossible right now.
How have you come back from an absence from playing? My usual way is to ease in with playing more music and less technique to start, getting myself to fall in love with it again – then making my way back to the technique when I'm feeling a bit more confident. Over a few weeks, not ignoring technique for months until I magically feel up for it. I just find going straight back in studies and scales makes me feel more fatigued and frustrated than playing a few tunes and putting the instrument down. It's a bit like exercising a muscle after an injury I suppose.
Of course, I haven't quite picked up my cello again yet, and I have a feeling my bump is too big now for it to work. And then I only get bigger. And then there's a little boy to look after…. whew.
But I find if I start thinking about it now as a gradual thing I can ease into, it's much more likely to actually happen. I suppose that visualisation, isn't it?
Calling West London string players
There’s a new ensemble out in West London starting for those of us who aren’t RAM students or on the KSO waiting lists… West London Strings. No auditions, for adult players of Grade 3 standard and up. Monday nights. This is a new group, so they need to see if enough people are interested, email them from the website to find out more.
